Don’t we all want to know what it’s like to feel wanted? Any one person desires to feel like someone wants them but we all know that any one desire can be sweet poison to the weary soul. We want to feel love and the warmth of its embrace, but in a world that’s so shaken and cold does love exist anymore? From my small town, half way around the world, and in each big city I have seen actions that both define and execute my ideas of love like a rose blossoming to its life cut short for a bouquet. Love is all around us and love is ever changing. I’ve spent many long days pondering if I even believe that two people can last together. I want to believe that somewhere inside of a certain utopia in a shiny and unbroken soul that I can dance into the everlasting experiences such as everlasting love.
Why we make it a game and truly I wonder. I grew up in the love game like I knew all the cheat codes. But the cheat codes to any game are never the answers to winning. Theirs seemingly nothing wrong with living high school like every kiss is a game, but not really everyone grows up. Of course back in the day I graced every pretty girl’s heart with the same fairy tale quotes. Two months, sixty days later and I was already gracing her friend with the same lines. I didn’t desire feelings to get hurt but crushed plenty. So why I sit here and I ponder the existence of something that I can’t find anymore I also slowly realize that I may be a catalyst that destroyed what I’m searching for. If I could wish it back I would if I could but I can’t so I won’t. History is etched in my wretched heart as a shipwrecked vessel on the voyage of love. Let the waves wash over me and break upon the bowel of new beginnings.
Have you ever felt the electric of someone’s smile and how it sparks your own? The warmth grows, replacing everything cold inside your previously lonely existence. How contagious love can be in a warm summers air. Singing the melodies of a thousand angels that are carrying you to sleep at night. The clouds come and lightning strikes. Have you felt the following thunder of arguments that shudder and rip away at those smiles? Love is a landmine on the battlefield of life. The most dangerous thing I have experienced. However it still resides in my unwanted heart.
The most exhilarating feeling I have experienced to this date is gliding in my auto. Graced with the presence of someone that could only find it in her soul to be my “friend”. She’s laughing and smiling replacing the tears he created earlier. Creating such joy in her heart made me want to scream out love at the wind rushing by. I could have just yanked the car over, and threw open my door. I could throw my arms around her and twirl her around in the hot summer sun. Reality however is my buzz kill and I continue to sing her a song knowing that will never happen. She’s only with me because someone else made her cry and a smile is found in my presence.
Things like this often make me wonder why a women will allow a man to break her down and continue to run back for more. In this hide and seek game however the definition isn’t hard to define. It’s comparative really to raising an animal the wrong way. If you raise a dog to be mean, to crave blood, and to attack; its whole life that’s all that dog will know. How can a man expect a woman to do anything else than what they have known their whole life?
Every good girl has heard the same good guy lines. Except now years later I’m grown and the lines actually have meaning. They have lost their ability to really reach out and embrace the soul. Anything I voice anymore really doesn’t move her emotions or even make her wonder if anything good still exists. Men like me raised her up in a cheating world and every time she feels something good she’s going to run. While she’s running away she’s got a mirror on her back that I’m gazing into and I may as well wave back. I’m the blame for being a man. Now that the good resounds true, to her it seems too good to be true. Seen my love stray to another bed twice now and I can’t even blame them. Men like me raised that animal and if the bite makes you bleed you can’t kill the dog for you raising it on flesh.
I’ll make a preposition, but it doubtedly will change the game. We need to just cut the bullshit early guys. If men never uttered lies then woman would never get used to the stupid shit. We all know that some guys will never grow out of the lying and gaming ways, and at a close glance that’s who seemingly all the good girls run to. Now the good guys are left lying in a cold and lonely bed at night while good girls let undeserved tears stream down their smooth porcelain faces. It doesn’t have to happen that way. And ladies, have a little faith, the good guys are out there. Get past what your mental stability has grown used to and go after something different. The only thing that will never change in life is that in life change will always happen. Embrace it. I promise you will find not all men are boys like all boys pretend to be men. I could find you a few. Did you believe that promise? Doubt it.
I don’t really know anymore how I ever could have doubted the existence of sweet real love. What I need to doubt is truth in humanity and every fake truth spewed in random directions seemingly bouncing off of every gorgeous girls ear drums. Everyone has the right to protect themselves from the destruction that a heartbreak may bring. But we all have the ability to groom our hearts to accept love. We cannot tend to the roses that are not in our garden, but we can water our own.